My last "MOM" entry may not have been the most positive, uplifting thing to read so I've tried to turn it around a little the last month and am hoping this one comes across a bit more upbeat. I am still struggling with the truths that surround us especially given the large cyst found on my left ovary but boy am I happy to be here.
I went through a lot the day Lillian Mae was born and have been since. I have been unemployed for a whopping 22 months. It's a struggle to take care of the kids, the house, and search for a job with a very limited budget. Not to mention that I have completely forgotten to take care of myself. I have recently discovered that I am also no good at being bored. I eat and find myself NEEDING something to do. I have forgotten how to just BE. While I need to work on that I have found myself being more present with my girls.
What a wonderful time of their lives to be unemployed! What a gift I have been given to be able to be with them full time. Even before Lillian was born I worked from home part-time and only had to be in the office 3 hours a week! I had it great. No doubt about that. I got paid well for doing a job that was pretty darn easy, that was actually in my field, and for a company that allowed me to go part-time from home while still being eligible for all benefits. It's what I wanted! I was able to do it for 18 months! I took my work on vacation and could do it anytime. What a blessing. I don't miss the work. I do miss the benefits, especially health care. We are a pretty healthy group, that was until the cyst.
I guess I should tell those of you who don't know. Two weeks ago I felt crampy, not that I have a uterus to cramp, but that's what it felt like. Lying down at the end of the second day I massaged my pelvis to find a large, painful lump near my left hip bone. An ultrasound revealed it was my ovary. I still have both of those. It is 8cm, which is over 3 inches, the typical size being about that of an almond. Mine is now more like a potato. The problem is, it isn't a simple, liquid filled cyst that women usually get in their ovaries. No, mine is more complex than simple. Meaning it is a mass, a group of cells growing where they shouldn't. One that they suggest I get surgically removed. Great. The good news it that I don't have any risk factors for ovarian cancer and my CA125 (a blood test used to try to "mark" cancer) is plenty low. The hard part= sitting in a doctors office all alone and having to hear the word cancer. Sort of makes you reevaluate things, fast.
I love my girls with all my heart. I am lucky to be alive and to see them grow and to spend every minute of their days with them (although most days that feels somewhat more like a curse than a blessing). I have a wonderful family, extended, and sometimes not even related. I have a great house, and two working cars which allows me to up and take the girls to the beach any and every nice day in the summer. I have a lot to be thankful for. A nice tan, a flexible schedule, sitting at my mom's house once a week where I have extra eyes, ears, and hands to help with the two girls, and an outlet like this blog where I can brag up these beauties and tell you all about our daily goings ons. I want to thank those of you who read it and look at all of my many photos. I want to thanks those of you who have helped me through this last year.
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