Christmas Program Highlights

I wish these were clips of Maren and her perfect singing that she'd practiced so hard for. Of course there was not that much singing from her. There was:

clip 1: Looking for Mommy

clip 2: Lying down for a nap (those blue pillow things are baby jesus dolls made in class)

clip 3: Finding a new seat

clip 4: Finale

No, that was not part of the program.

Aftermath

While I should have just left the video post and went off to bed I just had to use this time to talk. When I get home from work the house is quiet, I don't feel like eating alone. Matt is asleep and there's no one to talk to. I don't blame you all for being asleep at this time of night. It's late. I'm just not tired. And today was one of those emotional days.

I saw an OB/GYN today to review the results of my latest ultrasound on my cystic left ovary. The news was good. The appointment was not.

The cyst is larger than it has been in the past but it looks like it is because it bled into itself. In the process of finding that out Matt hashed back on everything that happened eighteen months and six days ago. I sort of thought we had moved past that. The lawyers said we don't have a case. There was no wrongdoing on the part of the hospital or doctors but my husband still doesn't agree. I wanted him to come to the appointment in case they said that the ovary needed to be removed. He often has a lot of questions and I wanted him to ask someone other than me for the answers. He came, begrudgingly. I had tried to get in to see the doctor who would have know all this history but no such luck unless I wanted to wait until the 23rd of December. Needless to say the doctor asked about the trauma surgery and Matt went right off on his tangent telling her how wrong everything had went and giving his opinion on this, that, and the other.

I started to cry. I had to tell him to stop. To raise my voice and say, stop it. It's not about that. That's not why we're here. I really didn't realize how much he still harbored. How much anger and resentment he still holds inside. How much those feelings make me hurt. I guess I should have seen it coming -seen that he'd bring it up at the appointment today. However, I did not. Not anywhere on my radar. It was a surprise. It surprised me that my husband has such strong feelings that he doesn't share with me. Feelings that he doesn't do anything about.

Did the trauma surgery cause my cyst? Very possibly.
Are we still dealing with the medical aftermath? Yes.
Is it possible that we may be for a very long time to come? Of course.

I just wish we were all okay with that. It's still hard for me. I'm not going to lie. It still makes me cry but that is why I've tried to move on. What happened that day is the past. I can't change it and neither can my tears. I'm just happy to be alive. Everyday is a struggle but I'm here.

New videos

I'm not sure I ever mentioned that my 18 month old is beyond verbal. Ok, I might have. She is just crazy ridiculous in the vocab category. Here is her latest video.

I love that laughter is contagious. I dare you to watch this and not start laughing along with them.

I am actually pretty proud of this post because that second video was taken just two days ago!! Yeah, mom!

SNOW

Not the first time we've seen it this year but this stuff's gonna last for a  while. Saturday night when it started snowing I was trying to figure out how to get the kids out in it before we had to make breakfast and get ready for church since I go straight to work on Sundays after Sunday school. The girls were suited up and out by 8am.

The first thing Maren did was make a snow angel!

Maren admiring her work - 

notice Lilly has fallen over her too big jacket and snow pants and too small boots already.

 Now Lilly's mad because her mittens are all full of snow. Too funny.
Brush 'em off, Lil.

She was happy to see the slide however.

Maren ALWAYS eats snow. Always has. I think they must be twins born 26 months apart.

And by 8:10 they were too cold and wanted to come in. 

Making church on time- no problem.

Lolli Pops

Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Lolli Pops, or sugary snacks on occasion for my kids but boy they can be messy. 

Of course the rule is we must be sitting on the table when we're eating them. Still, messy, sticky, messy.

"Maren, open your eyes" I said.

"No, your eyes," typical Maren, good listener.

Typical Lillian, good listener "Eyes," she says.

Mess.

Community Fair

The girls are sleeping and it's quiet. I should be working on addressing Christmas cards or cleaning or working on fun projects I have planned for Christmas gifts but instead I am sitting on the couch with the laptop and I'm going to update the blog.

One weekend in November there was the Christian Community Fair at the Minneapolis Convention Center and we didn't have much time by the time I was done with work but we ran over there anyhow. Us Minnesotans need some indoor fun now that it's winter. 

On our way.

Inflatable for all ages, hard to pry the kids away from these.

Big slide-

Pretty sure she's picking her underwear out of her butt after that slide

Then the petting zoo- indoors, nice. They had some great animals from all over the world including camels and lemurs. Pretty cool!

Hungry animals

Then there was the reptile association of Minnesota or something crazy like that and the girls got to pet snakes, turtles, frogs, and..... 

a crocodile! 

An hour or so later we were already back in the car headed for home. Good, quick fun.